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David Richman is an endurance athlete, author, philanthropist, and so much more. His second book, Cycle of Lives, talks about the interconnected stories of people overcoming the most difficult obstacles we deal with, specifically diseases known under the umbrella term of cancer. In his book, he tackles how people deal with and talk about grief, trauma, and death and why it’s important to understand and connect on a deeper level. David also shares the role of distance endurance athletics in helping him contemplate life and dig deeper into his emotions. Join his insightful chat with host Corinna Bellizzi and be moved by his journey to tell people’s stories and uncover important lessons on life and human connectedness.About David Richman
David is an author, public speaker, and endurance athlete whose mission is to form more meaningful human connections through storytelling. His first book, Winning in the Middle of the Pack, discussed how to get more out of ourselves than ever imagined. With Cycle of Lives, David shares stories of people overcoming trauma and delves deeply into their emotional journeys with cancer.
He continues to do Ironman triathlons and recently completed a solo 4,700-mile bike ride.
Guest LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/davidrichman/
Guest Website: https://david-richman.com/
Guest Social: https://www.instagram.com/davidrichman_cycleoflives/
Show Notes:
00:00 - Introduction
02:40 - David’s story
09:31 - The origin of Cycle of Lives
16:34 - Tackling grief and trauma
22:57 - The wheel of emotion
30:41 - Being a distance athlete
35:21 - David’s encounters and the interconnectedness of the universe
45:03 - Talking about death and making deep meaningful connections
53:55 - Telling other people’s stories
57:13 - Final Words
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Cycle of Lives: 15 People's Stories, 5,000 Miles, and a Journey Through the Emotional Chaos of Cancer With David Richman
In this episode, I am thrilled to introduce you to my next guest. He's an endurance athlete, author, and friend of the show, David Richman. David is an entrepreneur. He's an athlete, a philanthropist, and so much more. His first book, Winning in the Middle of the Pack, shares how to get more out of ourselves than we ever imagined possible. This resonates with me in particular because I've always felt like that's part of my purpose in life. It's to help people realize their full potential. With his second book, Cycle of Lives, he shares the interconnected stories of overcoming the most difficult obstacles that we face, specifically diseases known under the umbrella term of cancer. With Cycle of Lives, David shares fifteen real stories and unique perspectives of trials and triumphs with victory and defeat. He invites us to embark on this journey of stories as he travels with us to meet the people featured in this book, these fifteen stories, as he solo-cycled to connect with each in person from his home in Los Angeles and California to Florida and New York in a 5,000-mile epic cycling adventure. David, welcome to the show. Thank you, Corinna. I'm very excited to talk to you. I received my copy of the book before. I was able to get through the first of the fifteen stories, and I say get through because it's a little emotional at times but also inspiring, even in that first story's case of the tragedy. What a journey, but before we get into talking about that, as I alluded to in my intro, I'm also passionate about helping people achieve what they didn't think was possible. I'd like to learn a little bit more about this particular book, that Middle of the Pack story and succeeding from the middle. The Middle of the Pack wasn't a contrived thing. It was like a lightning bolt that hit me. I was in my late 30s. I had accomplished quite a bit but also had found myself unaware of my purpose in life and what my goals in life were. I was making my way through life, not on purpose, but by accident. I found myself in my late 30s at a pretty low point in my life. I was overweight. I was a smoker. I was completely stressed out from work. I was in an abusive relationship. I got four-year-old twins and needed to get me and them out of that situation. I was away. I was not active. There were a lot of things that were going on.
Cycle of Lives: 15 People's Stories, 5,000 Miles, and a Journey Through the Emotional Chaos of Cancer
A number of things hit me at one time, like this awareness of where I was and how I was accidentally making my way through life rather than on purpose. The tasks that were created or that I created for myself weren't the healthiest of tasks. I'd find myself in bad relationships so I could fix them or find myself in a stressful job so that I could prove that I could do it. Nothing was working. I was hit with a lightning bolt discussion from a friend who gave me some insight. I was hit with a difficult conversation with my sister that gave me some perspective. I also probably looked at myself in the mirror for the first time.
That conversation with my friend was when I was done complaining for the millionth time about all the bad things that were going on in my life, he finally said, "I'm sorry to tell you this, but you're the problem. Nobody else is the problem. Everything you touch is a rabid dog. You try to pet the rabid dog, and then it bites you, and you get all bummed out because it bit you. Why don't you worry about your own problems and stop trying to fix everything else?" I'm like, "Wow." That made sense for the first time. It's hard to hear. It's easy when things are hard to complain about the things that are hard. It's easy to do that, "My wife at the time was so mean. She's so angry and violent. Maybe I was the problem, not her." There are different ways to look at it.
The conversation with my sister came at the same time that I was getting this awareness. You don't know until you know. I didn't know until I knew. My sister called me up one day and said, "I got some news. It's not real good, but let's talk about it. I've got terminal brain cancer." With a husband, young kids, a beautiful job, a beautiful circle of friends, and living a very happy, stress-free life as opposed to me, that hit me because I was so happy for her to be in such a great spot.
We both have come out of some severe traumas as youngsters, I admire that in her. It's like, "Even living her best life, it was going to end soon." That gave me some perspective. Those two things combined made me look in the mirror and go like, "Who are you? What are you doing? What are you trying to accomplish?" I realized I didn't have any answers. I embarked on some answers and tried to see what I was made of. That's where the idea of the Middle of the Pack came in.
As you dive into this second book, I'm hearing some of the same themes throughout, or at least from what I've read thus far, where it is one part of self-analysis and being real with where you are with acknowledging the pain and the trauma that you might be going through when someone close to you or even yourself is diagnosed with something as, in some cases, terminally final as cancer can be. Even as science continues to go forward and people in proper treatment are often on a path to recovery, it can be that event that blindsides you and causes you to take that cold, hard look in the mirror and get honest with yourself in a way that you might not have been in a prior moment.
Everyone reading this is going to have, at some point in their lives, a personal connection to somebody that they were close with that got a diagnosis of cancer. It started for me when I was nine years old. My grandmother, who I love dearly, was diagnosed with melanoma skin cancer. She was active. Nobody expected her to succumb to such a disease at only 63. You're in your 60s. It's okay. It's a good life, but it was so fast and dramatic because they had not discovered cancer until it was too late.
Cycle of Lives: Why is it that when it comes to the emotional side of what we're going through, we tend to self isolate, or we tend to not want to invade people's space?
You do the same thing at the beginning of each of the chapters, which helps people to get a framework of understanding for each of the individuals. I also thought it was interesting that you were calling out the strongest positive emotion and the strongest negative emotion. At the beginning of the book, you share that you're using Dr. Plutchik's Theory of the Wheel of Emotion. Can you talk to us about the Wheel of Emotion and how this guided some of the writing of this book?
Here's what I want to do if we're going to have more meaningful, deeper, authentic connections. At the end of the day, when somebody is on their death bed, near the end of their life, or contemplating their life, there are probably two things that they think about, who didn't die, form a relationship with, or what regrets do I have over the relationships that weren't deep enough? Two, they had gratitude for the deep connections that they've had in their lives. That's about it with everybody that I've talked to. Those are two outlets. That's all based on emotion.
I needed to find a framework for what emotions we have in common and why we have different emotional responses to things. It's because you know as well as I do that somebody could look at something and have fear or joy. They might have fear because it's an obstacle. Somebody else might have joy because of this opportunity. It's the same thing. We all have these eight basic emotions. Dr. Plutchik's theory is that these eight emotions are four emotions opposite of each other, like anger versus fear. They are based on our survival instincts.
We all share the same emotions, but there are additional layers to these emotions. Not everybody at their base has fear about everything, but you might have some hesitation or apprehension. Since we all have the same base of understanding and emotions, I wanted to do was to better understand how somebody might react to something with gratitude and somebody else might react to it with regret? Why is that? I got one story in the book where somebody was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. When told this by her husband, she started streaming tears of joy and said, "Thank God it's cancer." I'm like, "Huh?" I couldn't even imagine that.
You read Bobby's story. Bobby's story is filled with gratitude, hope, and optimism, even though it's unbelievably tragic and heartbreaking to know what he had gone through. I wanted to understand the emotions involved so that if I have somebody going through something close to me, or if I'm going through something like how I connect on that emotional level, I wanted to understand people's emotional responses.
Usually, as a witness, caregiver, or whatever, they had one overriding positive emotion and one overriding negative emotion. When I asked him, "What's the first thing that came to your mind?" it could have been something positive, such as gratitude, joy, or happiness. It could have been something negative, such as fear, anger, despondency, or whatever. I wanted to understand why that was and give us a way to relate to people going through trauma.
Cycle of Lives: When it's not personal to us, when it's not something that we're personally going through, or if we haven't been through that sort of trauma, it becomes really hard to relate to one another.
You would feel liberated in a way. It's like, "It's outside of my control. It was sickness and not a mental collapse. It was a tumor." That is so moving. I find myself reflecting through this conversation on my journey as a distance runner for a few years. I now have the gift of bunions. I stop the distance runs but still do enjoy jogging and have pain if it's longer than about four miles. One of the things that I was personally driven to do through my distance training was work through the pain of feeling outside of the control of the situation when somebody is dealing with the potential end of their lives, and you're close to them, you care, and you want to do something.
There was something for me about physically pushing myself to the point of being beyond a limit that I thought was there that helped me cope with that pain and go on this journey of discovery of pushing beyond the boundaries of what I thought I was capable of, at the same time, thinking about the reality of their situations in treatment with chemotherapy or something along those lines, working to push beyond their own boundaries and what they thought they could handle. I wonder if you could talk about that and share if this is your experience, too. Cycling 5,000 miles over 6 weeks in a solo trip is a lot of solo time thinking, biking or getting completely blank. Sometimes some of those moments would have been completely blank.
For many years, I've been doing Ironmans, 50-mile runs, 100-mile runs, multi-day bike rides, you name it, I've done it. One that draws me to endurance athletics is the ability to get super deep, reflective, and contemplative about problems in life and whatever. I have come to realize that when you're told to do something such as climb a mountain, run a marathon, do a hard project at work, or start a business or something, they're much harder. They come with a lot more fear and apprehension than if you elect to do them on your own.
By electing to do it on your own, if somebody told you, "I want you to run a marathon in three months before you had ever done it," you might say like, "I'm not motivated to do it. I'm fearful of that. I don't know if I can accomplish that." If you turned the table and went around to all your friends and said, "I know you don't know me as a runner. I've never run in my life, but I'm going to do a marathon in three months," it's a whole different set of reality and facts. It's something that permeates into other parts of your life as well. Setting a goal, accomplishing it, overcoming the fear of finding out what you're made of, and seeing how far you can push it yourself because you're trying to push yourself, are things that can permeate into other parts of your life.
I've done lots of individual days like that, even some multiple days like that. To do 45 days in a row, minimum of 7 hours, an average of almost 12 hours a day, and some days as long as 17 hours of cycling day after day for 6 weeks, I solved a lot of problems because there were a lot of contemplative space there and a lot to process. It was a hard thing to do each day, no doubt. It was also a gift because I was doing it for myself and this project.
It had the right motivation and the right place for me so that I could be in a good emotional state during the time. That's where I absorbed the most about what was going on around me each day and the people I spoke to about this project. It also allowed me to contemplate stories on a deeper level because when you're in the middle of Texas, biking for fourteen hours a day, you just keep moving. You could solve a lot of problems.
Cycle of Lives: We all share the same emotions, but there are additional layers of these emotions.
Every bone is connected by trauma, loss, the fear of losing someone, and somebody going through something as difficult as cancer not knowing what to say. We're all connected by it. That's when I was like, "That's the thread of the book." We're all connected, which is an optimistic, powerful thought because we're all living our own lives. I don't know anything about you, and you don't know anything about me. That's the way it will be for most of the people that exist in the world. We're all connected by that one thing.
What I venture is that those moments came up when you needed them the most, whether or not you don't acknowledge that. I had a very similar experience where suddenly, this thing that you're working hard for, someone else acknowledges and brings a story forth that offers that inkling of inspiration that keeps you inspired to keep going even as you have those subtle sores and your body is fighting you for pushing your muscles to continue going like this every day upon day for 45 straight. I understand how hard that is.
You're so insightful. It's shocking that when you need it the most, somebody was there. When I knew nobody was going to be there, I figured out a way not to need somebody. It's weird. There was a time in Texas when I was getting five flats a day because I was on the interstates and those tiny little pieces of wire popped through my tire. I'm on the freeway in Texas. I'm down to 1 tube, and I'm getting 4, 5, and 6 flats a day. I'm out at my wit's end because I'm stuck on a freeway. I got one tube left. I don't even know what to do.
All of a sudden, some dude stops on the freeway. He comes running after me going, "What are you doing on the freeway? You got these bags. You got to be coming from somewhere far. What are you doing?" I told him in 30 seconds what I was doing. He had somebody that was going through cancer right then. He was a big cyclist, and he's like, "Get off here. Turn right and left. Go two miles this way. There's a bike store. You tell them to stop and ask for my name, and they'll take care of you." It was like, "Who knew I needed that at that point other than the universe?"
You're spending all this time alone. You tapped into something different that people are not typically aware of. This is something I experience when I travel alone. If you're gone for a long stretch and spending this time with yourself, it's almost like you feel the connection or thread to other people. Whether or not you know them, it feels like the universe brings these moments together at those particular points in time.
It's not like this is something you could scientifically talk about, but time and again, we hear these stories or experience these things where when you need it most, that's when someone is there for you. It's not like you could say, "I solicit it somehow from the universe." In a way, perhaps you did. It was a cry for help that you didn't even know you were uttering.
Cycle of Lives: If you're told to go do those things, they're definitely much harder and they come with a lot more fear and apprehension than if you elect to do them on your own.
It's more than asking them how they are. It's saying, "I value you, and I'm here for you." That action alone can help people navigate some of the darkest moments, even knowing that you're there thinking about them and want to help them remember the person they lost in some way or be there with them to share in the experience of where they are present.
It's beautiful. What a tragic thing. I can't even imagine what you, her friends, her family, and even people who barely knew her or even knew of her. There's no possible way to wrap your brain around it. There isn't a verb, adjective, noun, or whatever you can put on that would make any sense. It's not understandable. Even saying that doesn't even come close to explaining it. It's difficult not asking how you are because you don't know how to answer that.
Do they want an honest answer? Do they just want you to say you're fine and you're not fine? If you admit it, they might not want to ask you again the next time because it's a time bomb.
It’s what we talked about at the very beginning, "I don't know what to say. I don't want to say the wrong thing. I don't want to bring you down. I don't want to sound like an idiot." There are a lot of reasons that we don't say anything. I don't want to say this for you and your circle of friends, but what a lot of people experience is some sense of abandonment because people don't know what to say. They know they don't know what to say, so they would rather say nothing and just disappear.
It's uncomfortable for them because perhaps they have a hard time with grief, too. Maybe they have a hard time with death. There's so much to unpack there that we'll never get to the bottom of it. From experience I've had with people from cancer or the sudden grief that I was confronted with is often telling people you care, and that's everything, "I care. I'm here."
It's also to form a deeper connection. I might not be able to ever come close to understanding the emotional journey you have had to endure over this. What I might be able to do if you and I had reason to want and need to connect at a deeper level is, instead of offering you sympathy or trying to figure out what you went through, maybe it's giving you an opportunity to connect with me on a different level. That's maybe asking questions such as, "What would she like?"
Cycle of Lives: How could you need something at that particular time in the middle of nowhere and then all of a sudden, somebody comes along?
It is correct. It's so hard, especially if you can imagine that these are people I'm talking about their deepest and darkest. Every single one of them told me multiple times, "We can talk about this, but I've never talked about it before." There's one little aspect of the thing I had to go deep into in order to be able to do that because I wanted it not to be from my voice. I'm not in their lives. I'm not a part of their life. When you think about it, how could somebody tell your experiences in life or this traumatic experience and do it right in your voice, getting inside your head? It is a scary thing to do.
You've revealed that your next book is likely to be a novel because if you can do that, you can write novels.
I write traditional fiction as well. I do those things. That's the thing that is the hardest, like when you get to Jen's story. Jen's story is about losing her dad when she was only six years old. We talked about how she grew up and how the community and her family were a place for her to develop oneness with the world. She's a beautiful soul, coming out of this tragedy of losing her dad and becoming a pediatric oncology nurse because she had this connection to young people going through this trauma.
When I sent her the story, it was traumatic for me because I was doing it in her voice. Imagine me trying to say, "Here's what is in your head." These are real people, real stories. Go look them up. They're not anonymous. They're real people in this. This is their real lives. For me to send a story about, "Here's how you went through some traumatic event and how it's affected you throughout your life," and I'm telling it as you would, is a scary place for a writer.
Thankfully, in Jen's case, I don't know why I picked her, but she was probably the one I had the most respect for during that process. She called me up, and she was crying. She was like, "It's so beautiful. I don't want to change a word. I shared it with my mom and friends. It's perfect." It's a relief. There were a few people who were like, "I don't quite remember it that way, but okay. It'll work." It wasn't exactly perfect. Each story is told from their perspective in their voice, which is first person. I'm not in any of those stories. You get to hopefully feel what they feel.
That's part of the reason why I enjoy it so much and why I intend to finish it. Thank you for sending me the book. Thank you for spending the time on this interview and for your continual hard work representing people who otherwise might not have their stories told. That's incredible. I hope all my readers will go and check it out. You can go to David-Richman.com or CycleOfLives.org to find out more and pick up your copy. As always, I encourage everyone reading this to go to CareMoreBeBetter.com.
Cycle of Lives: There isn't a verb or an adjective or noun or whatever that you can put on it that would make any sense of it. It's just not understandable.
As we close this show, I want to invite all of you to tap into your curiosity. Seek out and support efforts like CycleOfLives.org. You can contribute to the work that David is doing to bring more awareness and funds to cure cancer. If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with your community. You can do so by sharing this with all of your friends or even going to their phones and downloading the episode right onto it, so they're more likely to read. You can even grab that phone and do it yourself.
This is important stuff, especially for those that are dealing with surviving cancer or trauma of any sort. If you have questions, I hope that you'll send me a note at Hello@CareMoreBeBetter.Com. You can send them to David or me. I'm sure we both love to hear from you. Thank you, readers, now and always, for being part of this community because together, we can do so much more. We can care more, and we can be better. We can even regenerate our social systems and this planet we call Earth. Thank you.
Important Links
- Winning in the Middle of the Pack
- Cycle of Lives
- David-Richman.com
- Hello@CareMoreBeBetter.com
- https://www.Linkedin.com/in/DavidRichman/
- https://www.Instagram.com/DavidRichman_CycleOfLives/
- https://www.Facebook.com/CycleOfLives
- Local article about Shannon’s death